Mama Tooted

Before you read this entry, head over here and listen to this crazy song that Landon loves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyC2DIpQ5Cs

So, we were at Aidyn's school concert and Landon leaned over to Aidyn's best friend's dad who was seated next to us and declared, "Hi,  my name is Landon.  My mom tooted today."  To his credit, Brian just replied, "Well, that happens." For the record, I had not tooted in his presence, but he had just heard the song on the way to the concert.

Later I called in to the kids radio station that plays "Mama Tooted" on regular rotation to share the hilarious story of Landon telling on me at the school concert and dedicate the song to him.  We were riding in the car when the dedication came on and he said, "That's you on the radio, mama!"

"Yep, buddy.  That's me tattling on you for what you said to Mr. Tromp," I said.

"Don't worry, mama.  It's 'perfectly natural.'"

Oh. My. Word.

Overheard from the bathroom, Landon: "Oh my word.  OH. MY. WORD!!!  Who did this!?  Who made these...oh.  This was me.  Mama!  I need a towel!"

We Don't Get Into Other People's Trucks

Landon, randomly: "We don't get into other people's trucks."
Me: "That's true."
Landon: "Yeah, because they will say, 'Huh!?'"
AJ: "No, because they will push you out and you will fall and get bleed and hurt yourself and need a bandaid.  Or a hospital."
Landon: "No, because they will say, 'Huh!?'"
AJ: "Yeah, but you will fall on the road."
Landon: "And then I will get under all the wheels and they will hurt me and I will get bleed."
AJ: "Yeah.  We don't get into other people's trucks."

Squished

Landon: "Mom, you're squishing me."
Me: "No, I'm cuddling you."
Landon: "No, you're squishing me!"
Me: "No, I'm cuddling you!"
Landon: "Well you're cuddling me until I'm squished!."

Blue (Da Ba Dee)

On our way to and from school each day we listen to a kids radio station where they randomly played the 1999 song "Blue" by Eiffel 65 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc&feature=kp).

Aidyn intently listened to the entire song and then reported, "This song makes no sense.  Maybe he has on blue glasses?  He should just take them off."

Abre Tus Osos

Aidyn was looking for her homework paper and it was right in front of her.  I am really trying to learn Spanish and Aidyn is a big help to me.  So, I told her to "Abre tus osos."  She looked at me with the most deadpan expression and just said, "How violent."  Then I realized I needed her to open her "ojos", not her "bears."

What Color Is Milk?

Landon: "Hey, Auntie Jenna, what color is milk, huh?"
Jenna: "It's black."
Landon: "..."
Landon: "Well, healthy milk is white."

Practisting

AJ, totally randomly one day: "I'm practisting."
Me: "Practicing?  Practicing what?"
AJ: "I'm practisting falling."

Chickaboo Pizza

Landon: "I want some chickaboo pizza."
Me: "What?  Some chickaboo pizza?  What is that?"
Landon [irritated with me]: "Chickaboo pizza is chickaboo pizza."
Me: "I'm sorry, buddy.  I don't know what you mean."
Landon [sighs, walks over to the fridge, pulls out the pizza box]
Me: "Oh! I'm sorry. Chicken Barbeque pizza it is!"

But It Would Be Nice...

Me: "No, buddy, not right now.  We will have some at lunch."
Landon: "But...it would be nice...to have some strawberries...but now though."

Clean Pajamas

It occurred to me after this that I might need to properly dress the kids more often, even if we have nowhere to go.

Me: "Come here, Nan.  Let's put on some clean pajamas."
Landon: "Where are we going?"

Insult

Landon, mad at AJ: "You are [looking around, searching for words]...you are a FARTER!!"

Pirate Booty

Landon: "These underwear are on backwards."
Me: "Let me see.  No, buddy, these are right.  The dinosaur goes on your butt."
Landon: "Not my butt.  My pirate."
Me: "Your what? Your pirate?"
Landon: "Yeah.  The dinosaur goes on my pirate. [Long pause, devilish grin] My booty!"

I Am Not Loving You

Me (singing): "We love Landon, yes we do, yes we do."
Landon: "NO!!!  I am NOT loving you today."
Me: "What!?  Why?"
Landon: "Because.  Not right now. But you can love Prophet, though."
Me: "But I want to love YOU!"
Landon: "Oh.  Sorry then."
Me: "..."

Tinkerbell is Touching the Cereal Box

Landon: "Dad!  AJ is touching my bowl and the cereal box."
AJ: "I'm not AJ.  I'm Tinkerbell."
Landon: "Dad!  Tinkerbell is touching my bowl and the cereal box!"
Dad: "Ok, son.  Duly noted."

Idea

Me: "What should we have for dinner?"
AJ: "Dinner?"
Me: "Yeah.  Do you have any ideas?"
AJ: "YES!  I have an idea!  I could put a bucket on my head!"

Donuts for Dinner

Starting in 2012 we've had an annual "Donuts for Dinner" tradition on January 1.  This year AJ was very confused and a little upset:

Him: "We can't have donuts for dinner."
Me: "Yes, we can."
Him: "No. We can't.  We can have donuts for breakfast.  But we do not eat donuts for dinner."

He certainly didn't mind too much, though!

Mighty D'Queen

Landon is finally losing his baby talk, but I never want to forget that Lightening McQueen from the Pixar Cars movies used to be "Mighty D'Queen at my house."